Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And then you proceeded to sneak behind thee bar and hold up an empty bottle of vodka and scream LOOK WHO THE BARTENDER IS NOW BITCH!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
The last time I went to Vegas and the sun started to rise, my copilot went home with her nipples pierced.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Yeah but him not going to be sleeping in your sink this time.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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