Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Houston, we have a squirter
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
Hi I am on my way. I stopped and got the cheeseburger you asked for. Are you gonna pay me back?
Who is this?
Randomize
