Ketchup is God's man juice
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
im pretty sure all they do is fuck. and talk in baby talk. its two babys fucking basically.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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