I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
Turns out lunch break sex with someone you cant stand being around for any amount of time just makes you wish you had gone to get tacos like you originally planed.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
Ethically, this is the worst thing I've ever done. Financially, however...
I'm not sure. I have to find the Greeks I was with last night and see if they can explain to me why I can't hear out of my right ear and why I look like I got the shit kicked out of me
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
