Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
I threw all my money on the ground and said it was for homeless people and fell down the stairs
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
Why is it so hot and why are these the only pants in my life.
I found his Linkedin the day after he created it. Too stalkerish or just right?
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
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