The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
i will never coherently bang her
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
Gave a homeless guy 3 bucks earlier. Just saw him at the bar. He bought one beer and left. Happy to see my 3 dollars was well spent
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
Fucking that physical therapist guy was the best decision I ever made.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
