id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Best friends brother. Beat that.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
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