What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
Almost threw up on my grandmother as she walked in the house. Had to run to the bathroom and vomit my brains out. Prolly getting taken out of the Will now.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
What's it called where you go to the stripclub with two guys that have both gone down on you...
Tuesday
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
