just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my hat full of peanuts?
Don't throw them out, I'm on my way
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
It's best not to have your booty call on social media. So if they post stupid shit, you still want to fuck them.
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