we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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