We are surrounded by old people. Heavens waiting room for sure.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
