one might say we're banned from that church
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Is re-gifting a Valentine's Day present worse than re-gifting a Xmas one?
You're unbelievable, unbelievably awesome.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I fucked her on her ex's Yankee sheets while she was wearing an Ortiz jersey...of course she gets to meet my mother
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
Now all my porn is stored in my parents’ basement. It’s like a part of my soul is boxed up
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