he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
