If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
You feel like going out tonight?
Does a 14yr-old girl look good beat up? I'll bring the handle
at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
I swear to god if I see a single piece of genitalia I'm driving back to LI and smacking you back to the Italian Renaissance
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
But seriously, I love having sex with you and simultaneously know I never wanna date you.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
