I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
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