I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Wanna get business drunk and go play golf?
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
