One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
the ceiling is raining jello shotss
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I'm excited for him and his new girlfriend. I'm just going to miss his penis is what I'm saying.
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