this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
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