In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
I have got to stop singing on voicemails. I just left my dad a 6 minute musical message.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
I filled this oven with as much Pizza as I could, and I've been eating out of it for three days.
Just ate the last piece. Refilling the oven.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
Sometimes a man just deserves to get woken up with a blowjob.
Randomize
