I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Tell me I'm the only person you know who could punch someone at the bar, get escorted out, smoke a cig with the cop who almost arrested me AND get the security guy who escorted me out to buy me drinks.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
As we have told you before, the first rule of hook-up bingo is we don't talk about hook-up bingo
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
Randomize
