don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
What a dumb baby whore.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
A boy just offered to come over and help me clean my house. I hope you are more successful than he will be tonight.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
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