i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
his cum shot went directly into his bellybutton. felt like i was playin ski ball
I think forcing your little sister to drink with you on a Wednesday when she has school the next day is the low point of alcoholism.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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