Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
She brought up feelings... her days are numbered
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
