I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
can you take me to a tanning bed
sure, why though?
i have to go once so i can blame these herpes on the tanning bed and she won't get suspicious
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
We invited our waitress tonight to come too.... we told her she had lightning in her veins and in return she taught us a Texas Roadhouse dance so the logical next step was invite her to a kegger.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
Hope you don't mind if I never tell my family about you.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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