We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
HOnestly. That's my one goal for this whole trip. I don't give a shit about souvenirs or sand. I want penis.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I'm just more comfortable with the bondage
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
