Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
Flatmate got laid for the first time in 3 years. I'm baking a cake.
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I think I got a sinus infection from puking out my nose on st. Patricks day #thisis26
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
Randomize
