my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
The house hit rave levels when La Bamba came on which confuses me because I live in white suburban Canada
PARA BAILAR LA BAMBA ASSHOLES
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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