The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
its like accelerated beer pong for children.....we train champions young
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
I tried snowmobiling at 2 am. I broke my glasses. You're right. Things do get out of control.
Tequila Tuesdays need to not carry on throughout the week. Having a sad Saturday
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
