Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
I think I just broke my ankle. I've only had one beer. I'm getting drunk before I go to the ER so it's less embarassing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
It's like refusing a bong hit from michael phelps... You just can't do it
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
i think my cat just said my name.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
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