call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
the $50 fast cash from checking button should just be retitled "8th of weed"
He walked in, tore open the drawer, pulled out a condom, and slammed it shut. He was that ready.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Aaaaand I just watched him face plant in front of the taxi. This is why we don't invite him to margarita night.
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
