No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
Thong +tight pants =hungry butt. Not a good look on big women! Walmart sucks.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
I offered to go to AA with him...not because I am admitting I have a problem but because I want to see what they are saying about people like us.
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
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