we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Things we need. Powerade. Water in fridge. Mixers for vodka. And reality checks.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
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