sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
and my herpes radar will keep us safe
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drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
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My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
how drunk are you?
Several
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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