I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Im drunk with people I love less than you. fix it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Like we were literally doing coke off his insulin pump
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I just bought a butt plug on Amazon prime day and you're the only person I felt would appreciate that decision
I checked her ID this morning. Lets just say...she's older than my mom
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize