FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Omg calling you in 10 to update you on who I peed on last night
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
Me too, I feel like I pinched your nipples excessively. At the time it seemed like a good idea, but in retrospect I'm not so sure.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
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