i got your date sluuuuuuut pick up my calls or else hes mine
Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
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