His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
Just come home. We will have sex and Taco Bell. I'm feeling wild, I put on temporary tattoos.
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
