I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I don't think he has that. His apartment was pretty much a tv and a bed. Topless girl calendar and a glass of water to put out cigarettes.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
i texted "amiibo vore" to my insurance agent instead of someone else. do you think they'll raise my rates out of disgust?
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize
