my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
Your grandma changed her Netflix password :(
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Sorry didnt text you yesterday. had to put restraining order on my ex.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
