I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
I wouldnt endorse that guy if he was walking in a walkathon to raise money for a disease i had
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
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