At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Eating alone in the dark with one candle. This is sorta sad.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
What should we drink tonight, I'm in the mood to be judged
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
