So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
YOU GOT KICKED OUT OF FIVE GUYS LAST NIGHT FOR THROWING PEANUTS AT THE PEOPLE WHO WORK THERE?!
correction: escorted out
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
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I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
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Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Wtf. So apparently this 5 star establishment doesn't allow strip putt putt in the parking lot. We all just got kicked out of our rooms.
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
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