Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I am spending my work day planning my weekend drinking schedule
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Burnt my ear trying to use the bathroom blow dryer as a telephone.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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