as evidence of my kitchen this morning my night involved alot of mustard and condoms
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Randomize
