I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
I just saw a dude sitting IN a bush, weeping and playing a harmonica. I hope your day is going better than his.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I saw it and almost just was like "Ice breaker: your penis is massive" but I didn't.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
i just used a selfie stick to take an ass pic. i hate myself.
Just found an airplane bottle of whiskey and I didn't put it in my coffee. I think I deserve a little recognition this morning.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Randomize
