The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Na Im fine, just need to un-grow this vagina I've developed
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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