I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
Your "whiskey dick" is glorious but also terrifying
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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