I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
