Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
She's in the bathroom crying cuz she can't get the condom out of her giner. Do you have tongs?
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
Can you imagine it being physically possible any other way unless the cows are unnaturally flexible
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I want to get so drunk, you will need subtitles to understand me. Rough week.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
this hospital has no fireball
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
