Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
i was so worried that when his hands were down my pants he was going to find the weed i stole from him
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
Randomize
