I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I think my penis got bigger when i lost weight
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
You kept telling me how warm your bag of vomit was and asked me if i wanted to feel.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
Randomize
