just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
This house was built for laser tag.
Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why do I know about what dicks have been in your mouth but didn't know you had a dog? What kind of friends are we??
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I wasnt 2 drunk i sobered up around the time we were shooting the fire extinguishers
Randomize
