I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
sarcasm needs its own font
something isn't right. i offered to be his sex slave and he declined..
...i'd have to set their sheets on fire.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
Randomize
