um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
Randomize
