You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
I think he just made me trade sex for my cat.
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Dude made his own urinal by punching a hole in the wall and pissing in it rather than waiting in line. That is the stuff of legends.
I wish I could just hang out in ERs.
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
so in 24 hours i have gotten caught having sex in my car by a cop, almost burnt off my vag, almost got hit by a semi, and got fired. awesome.
Randomize