Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I had to take the fire extinguisher from him. He was just sitting on the floor petting it.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
I mean, "boo" isn't the appropriate response to someone dying...
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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