You can't wash away shame.
I can try.
Not only did a random toaster end up in my house last night, it's also full of skittles.
you threw up in the oven last night. i found that out after i preheated it to cook a pizza.
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Wine floats aren't as good of an idea as they seem
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
So a sorority girl just introduced herself to me by saying "a guy I used to fuck just threw up on me" and then she grinded on me
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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