I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
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When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
There's always a certain something about a day that begins with your panties in your purse.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Old men love us. For they have fine taste and disturbing minds.
I just folded my boss's lingerie. I need a drink and a raise
Thank you for deleting me from Instagram. Also, I'm carrying your child. Happy new year!
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
Randomize