Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
He took a banana and in front of everyone showed her how he wanted it done.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
He is making me drink his THC water out of a milk jug.
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
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