so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
His housemate was playing a sad violin solo for me on my way out. God I hate musicians.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Randomize
