Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
His hands were made for my vagina.
Damn, it's been so long since I had sex I could use the cobwebs from my vagina to decorate for Halloween.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
She is currently drunk and caressing my professor's face with one hand.
I'm worried because he hasn't removed it.
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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