i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
he gifted me a vibrator as he was breaking up with me. you tell me how my night went
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Randomize
