I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He should get nipple rings. No homo...I actually don't think there is a way to make it non gay.
Yeah you should have just let that thought go.
OH HAPPY DAYS YOU'RE BOTH GINGERS YOU'LL REPRODUCE YOUR OWN KIND
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Randomize
