I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
It's like sexual waterboarding. You gave me sex so good I'm comparing it to torture. Jesus.
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I had to fake it. He was punching my vagina like it owed him money and enough was enough.
yo dude not sure how this happened but im drunk at your house eating burritos with your mom and sister. hope you're having fun in new zealand
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
Randomize
