Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
