She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
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Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
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This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I'm trying to get weird tonight. Like I want to see bitches crawling on all fours drinking milk from bowls and shit by 5 am. You down?
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
Randomize