party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
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