Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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