she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
She's running around bumping into to people trying to keep a balloon she filled with vodka in the air. Please tell me she has a secret off switch you didn't tell me about.
It's only been a week and i've already broken my no summer randoms rule twice.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
Randomize
