the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
But at least i made friends with the nice lesbian cop. She knew i was her kind when she had to confiscate my rainbow/pride rolling papers.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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