Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
She just kept introducing me to people by telling them which of their friends I've fucked
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
White people are beatboxing! Save me.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
We did shots with the Tupperware consultant last night. I'd say the night was a success.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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