her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
honestly, i'm just crying in the kitchen naked and eating salsa
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
Fuck edible panties there is a dress made out of bacon
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I like that they’re all named Christopher or Chris. No need to worry about moaning during!
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
