This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
He started to notice that i sleep with every girl he calls dibs on.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
My penis needs a shock collar
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Randomize
