so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you would pick up someone in the library
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
