Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
I just want nice things and good sex
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
If my emotions are below a 3 or above a 7, I'm crying
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Randomize
